The Diary of a Commuter

Friday, 14 March 2008

Dictionary of a Commuter

Parental one-up-man-ship. The Upminster can be regularly be witnessed in Dulwich Park, between two fathers discussing the latest"optional extras" that came with their buggies. Typically one father will highlight that his pram came with Blue-Tooth and iPod connection. However he should always be cautious, as his colleague is highly like to counter with a return Upminster, informing him that his buggie has

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Dawn Chorus 3 - The Highly Improbable, Probably

Act One
Scene 3

Darkness has long since settled outside a delightfully well proportioned suburban semi on one of the quieter streets of SE22. It's 3.47am on Thursday. From underneath the continental duvet two totally knackered parents lay blissfully unconscious, completely unaware of the brewing disturbance in the next room.

The sound of a small human male padding about can gradually be heard, clearly in some distress.

Harrry: Daddy?...............Daddy?.................Daddy?
Daddy: (groans from underneath the continental duvet) Love, do you want me to go?
Mummy: mmmmmm.....?
Daddy: Shall I go?
Mummy: mmmmmm.....
Daddy: I'll go.
Mummy: zzzzzzzzzzz.....

Daddy heaves himself out of the kingsize and pulling on the M&S luxury towelling dressing gown, meets Harry in the hallway. Harry, bleary eyed, is holding doggy.

Daddy: What's up dude?
Harry: Daddy, Megatron is on my bed.
Daddy: What?
Harry: Megatron is on my bed, can you make Optimus Prime go on my bed?
Daddy: What on earth are you talking about?
Harry: Can you make Optimus Prime go on my bed, I don't like Megatron.
Daddy: (Finally waking up enough to know what's going on) Ahh, I see.
Harry: Can you do it Daddy, please.
Daddy: No problem.

Daddy picks up the double sided Transformers duvet and flips it over from the Megatron side to the Optimus Prime side. Harry hops into bed.

Harry: Thank you Daddy
Daddy: Everything OK now?
Harry: Yes Daddy.

Daddy stumbles back to bed, slipping straight back into his dream about turning up late and completely unprepared for his Chemistry O' level, wearing nothing but his underpants.

He wakes up 4 hours later still wearing the M&S luxury towelling dressing gown.

The sound of an Airbus 330 can be heard rumbling overhead, clearly on it's way to somewhere less complicated.

Fade to black.

Dictionary of a Commuter

A portal leading into a dark and lifeless dimension, where time and space have an entirely different meaning. Indeed, the very nature of existence and the laws of the universe therein bear little or no relation to life as we know it.

The Northern Line
passes through an Archway shortly before arriving at Borough station.